Anxiety is something that only certain people feel. Some people only feel it before a test or before speaking in public. Some people never feel it. It’s this deep pain that I would rate worse than a headache. A headache is more direct. Most of the time you know why a headache is there and how to ease its pain. It could be because you’re dehydrated, watched too much TV or videos on your phone and/or allergies..etc. In most cases, you can point out a reason for a headache. Just take some medicine and you are good to go in about an hour.
Anxiety can come without reason and it’s this deep pain that you wish would just go away but it doesn’t. The only medicine you can take for it can mask the pain for a little while then if you don’t take it, after a while the pain comes back. This pain also comes with thoughts. I think your brain tries to look for a reason for the pain and it causes you to think about all the terrible things that are happening in the world, the bad things that happened to you and all the terrible things that you have done. It also brings up my worst fears and tries to make them reality. My brain tries to help but it only makes things worse.
The devil wants me dead and he just doesn’t want to leave me alone.
Sometimes I feel like giving in and letting the fear and pain wash over me and take me under. It’s becoming harder and harder to fight and swim to shore when the waves that crash drag me back out with its currents.
How does one get rid of the pain? How do I break through this feeling of being trapped in my mind and the feeling of being alone even when I am around people who love and care about me? How do I stop pushing them away when they only want the best for me?
I know people say “prayer” and believe me, I know and it does help, but it’s still there. It’s still lurking in the shadows waiting for me to let my guard down again.
Where do I go from here?