So, Thinking back on the many times I have went on diets and they have failed. The times I have tried exercising and you miss one day, then another, then a few more, then you just say “forget it” and you make up excuses like “I am too tired”, “My feet hurt”. “I am just to busy” or maybe even “but.. it’s too far”. What ever the real reason, we justify them to make us feel better. The truth is, we all have done it. We all have started a diet and exercise plan and we failed. I am tired, I am over weight, and I think that eating a juicy cheeseburger will make it go away. Sure it may ease the pain, but a night of restless sleep, and stomach pains, you realize that’s just not the case.
The problem with the unhealthy food is that we feel that it takes the pain away. I have dealt with a lot of depression, pain and anger throughout my lifetime and I have always turned to food. The food was the answer to my problem at the time. Not only, did I eat bad when I was sad, but I also ate when I was happy. Any emotion you can think of, I would swing by my favorite restaurant and get the large combo; that was the highlight of my day!
When I started this blog I already knew that I wanted it to be something about bondage. The truth is, life is a forest filled with vines and thorns. No matter where we walk, we are liable to get caught in a vine or a thorn patch. Whether your thorns are negative people, over eating, drugs, alcohol, being molested or raped or maybe even a death. The truth is we are always going to remember when we got caught. There will be cuts and bruises that may cause you to scream out loud and shake your fist to the sky. The problem is, we don’t want to be free from them, that maybe if we just stay still in the trap that it wont hurt as bad. That may work for a while but you won’t be happy until you have agreed to release yourself from those thorns and vines. That’s sort of what being overweight. We stay where we are, we refuse to get better because if we just stay there, everything will be okay. It’s not going to be okay! We need to push through, sure you will have scars, maybe some open wounds, but the wounds will heal and the scars will be a reminder of your success.
That is why I created breakingmybondage.com. I was caught up in a “cult like” circle of churches. For years I listed to angry and evil words, racial slurs, homophobic sickness that crept through the church and through the hearts of the people who attended. I suffered through depression, anxiety, trying to commit suicide, mind games, brain washing, abuse… etc and I am still suffering from the after effects of the hell I went through. For years my family and I just sat in that patch of thorns just thinking we were where we’re meant to be. It was slowly killing me, and I needed to move. I finally got the courage to break from their bondage and I will tell you I have not been happier. I am struggling still with the aftermath of their destruction but I am a work in progress. My weight is a big problem that I have. It’s how I coped with my emotions, but it was only a suppressant!
I have suicidal tendencies, in fact, I am committing suicide right now! What I put in my body is a gateway to how I spend my years on earth when I am older. I am slowly killing myself and I will be lucky if I make it to 40. I am 400 lbs and growing, I can’t find anything to wear in stores so I have to buy online and I am exhausted all the time. I don’t feel like doing anything and it’s killing me. I want to go out, I want to go hiking, go to the park, ride a roller coaster, learn to surf, but I know it is impossible and if I continue going the way I am, I will never get to fully experience life!
With the recent death of my best friend, it has gotten me charged up! I want to lose weight for her. I want to travel and see the world and keep her memory alive and dedicate it all to her! I know it starts with my eating better! So today was my first day of eating healthy and I can already tell a difference on how I feel! It’s amazing what one day can do. I feel more hungry because my body wants more. It is craving the bad stuff! I wont give in! I have to do this or I will die! So today 05/18/15 I begin my road to happiness. It starts by just taking one day at a time!
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